Marriage For Better and Not For Worse
By Dr. Lindy S. Diffenbaugh, D. D.
Marriage at It’ Best and with all of the Ups and Downs of the “Til Death Do We Part” Mandate!
If you are planning to marry, are now married, and/or uncertain whether or not that marriage thing is a stand-up fantastic idea to embark upon, then this message will give you at least a glimpse into the “institution of marriage.” And, By the Way…I did not make up the idea that marriage is a stand-up amazing journey for you and your spouse to move through and endure, for better or for worse! To thousands and probably millions of married couples, their marriage has been on and off for better and for worse!
Without a doubt, anyone who is now married or has been married in the past, understands that while marriage can be a wonderful journey, it can also a difficult, painful, and demeaning encounter, all at the same time.
With that back-drop in this message, we must take a moment to look at the “Institution of Marriage”! First I would ask, “So Who on Earth Dubbed Marriage as an “Institution”??? I have no idea how to answer that Question…But after counseling couples for years, I can say that many of them appear to be Institutionalized and thus, not so happy-thus, their need for Counseling!
What Happened to Adam and Eve’s Blessed and Happy Life in the Garden of Eden?
With that little piece of the story, it is certain that you are aware that when Satan was loosed in the Garden, that he seduced the innocence of the First God Created Couple, Adam and Eve!
Through the mouth of the “Father of Lies,” the first couple of the garden, was instructed to ignore God’s mandate regarding God’s Law not to eat The Fruit of That One Tree! When God saw that the first created beings had been seduced by the Snake, He exiled them from the Garden.
If you have read and studied your Bible, then you know that when the first couple was exiled from the garden, nothing was given to them. They had to work hard and toil to feed and build a life for their family!
As you know, following their exile from the Garden, they were not able to eat of the delicacies with-in the Garden of Eden; instead, they had to had to work and toil, day and night, to feed their family and build a life for themselves!
Why do I mention the fall of the First Couple of the Garden? Simply put, their fall and exile from Paradise, created an “Indentured Servant”-kind of lifestyle for the entire human race. In other words, in this day and time, we do not have the advantage of eating from “any tree in the garden,” and thanks to Adam and Eve, we must work to make a living, in order to provide for our needs and the needs of our family.
“Exactly WHAT Does All of That Have to Do with Marriage in This Day”
So glad that you asked! You see, when Adam and Eve broke the Covenant that God had directed the Couple to honor, while they inhabited HIS Garden of Eden. In fact, when the couple gave into the seduction of the wicked serpent, they started a “pandemic” that infected every man woman and child on the planet! I am speaking in terms that we can understand on this planet, in this day!
In the everyday marital union, you can expect regular everyday intrusions of the unexpected sort! When you engage in the marriage, you tend to expect that you and your mate will be and do as one body, one force, and one life on this earth! I believe that on some level that is true, but you must understand this, when the Honeymoon is over, it is OVER!
Yes, there will certainly be days and times when you flow together in everything that you do together, but very often one or both of you will want to go your own way and do your own thing for a time. In fact, when that happens, it is best that the one that is not included in “that thing”, must be sensitive to their partner’s desire to be alone and do “that thing” on their own!
In fact, the worst thing that the “odd man/woman out”, can do is to try to press their way into the outing with their spouse and their friends. Thus Rule #1 in the “spouse outing issue,” is, “Do not ask to go on that outing, unless you have been invited!” While that may sound harsh, there may be a real need for your spouse to go out on their own, because they just need a little alone time for themselves.
In another date and time, there may be times when the spouse wants you to go with them to shop or to have lunch. Unless you are really tied down, then the best response that you can come up with would be, “Sure I would love to have dinner with you! Let me get my coat and I will be ready to go!
The Third Issue to Be Aware of Is…
When the spouse has a job to be done in the house, on the computer, with the kids, etc. Be mindful that they may need help juggling multiple issues. Here again, that is your que to speak up and ask, “Honey can I help you with some of this!”
In fact, in such situations, it is likely that you will become their Hero, or at least their immediate Lifesaver! Thus, if they need your help, and you are able to oblige, drop everything else, and step in and offer your help at the very moment when it is needed. While one good deed deserves another, there may come a day when you will need a little, or a lot of help, so, remember what you sow, you reap!
What is the Point of this Message?
The Point of This Message IS This: You asked God for a Mate, and He Gave You the Exact Mate That He Chose Exclusively for You at the Beginning of Time! Instead of griping and complaining, this is the Time and Place to Look Up to Heaven and say Thank You God for The Blessing that You Gave Me When You Gave Me My Spouse!
Maybe your Marriage is not Perfect in this Day and time But Know This One Truth: Marriage is God’s Work Bench! He Is Not Done with Ether One of You Yet! Beyond That, understand that in His Hands, Your Marriage is a Masterpiece in the Making!
As I close this message, allow me to repeat something that I heard my mother say over and over and over again throughout my life in her house! It is Simple and at the Same Time, it is Simply Profound-Here It Is this:
Life is Like and Onion: You Peal Off the Layers One at a Time, and Sometime You Weep!
God Bless You and Your Spouse As You Peal Off Multiple Layers of Your Life and Relationship!